Peace Parent...
Being a parent is the hardest (and the very best) thing I've ever done. Aiming to find and maintain peace and balance within myself and teach my children these things has been a major factor in how I parent. I admit it's been a rocky road at times but I am so much better than I used to be. In my deepest self, I knew what was possible, but I had to wade through some old conditionings in order to get close to there.
I like this article by Scott Noelle as he reminds me that peace is created within each of us and we can choose that state anytime, even during parenting challenges.
http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/unconditional.htm
a little taste:
Some parents believe that giving selflessly to their children is proof of their unconditional love. But parental self-sacrifice is an insidious form of conditionality that diminishes both parent and child. Its true colors are exposed when the self-sacrificing parent eventually snaps and says, “How can you treat me that way after all I’ve sacrificed for you!?”
What gets us in trouble is focusing too much on what we’re doing and not enough on how we’re being. The behavior of unconditional loving (what we do) arises from a particular state of mind (how we be), and I call that state of mind unconditionality.
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Unconditionality is selfish in the best sense of the word, because your own well-being becomes your top priority. You give to your child only what you can give happily, and that sets in motion a pattern of giving that continually increases your well-being instead of feeling like a drain. This leads to more generosity, not less.
Unconditionality increases your sense of freedom; it never limits your choices. It’s entirely possible to be in the state of unconditionality and passionately desire conditions to change.
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Unconditionality is “an inside job.” It’s about how you interpret external conditions. It’s powerful because, while you can’t always control conditions, you can always change your mind. You can always find thoughts that feel better (or at least bring you some relief) when you think them. And how you think eventually influences outer conditions.
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You see, if you decide up front that you’re going to enjoy your relationship with your child unconditionally — no matter what — then what you are actually doing is opening up your creative channels. You are saying to yourself, “I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, but I’m open to finding a way to enjoy (or appreciate, or be at peace with, etc.) anything that happens between me and my child.”
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Unconditionality empowers you to create what you want from the inside out, while conditionality requires change from the outside in. When you truly shift inside, you can taste the deliciousness of well-being instantly, and any subsequent outer change is just icing on the cake.
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Of course you can take this information and apply it to any relationship.
I like this article by Scott Noelle as he reminds me that peace is created within each of us and we can choose that state anytime, even during parenting challenges.
http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/unconditional.htm
a little taste:
Some parents believe that giving selflessly to their children is proof of their unconditional love. But parental self-sacrifice is an insidious form of conditionality that diminishes both parent and child. Its true colors are exposed when the self-sacrificing parent eventually snaps and says, “How can you treat me that way after all I’ve sacrificed for you!?”
What gets us in trouble is focusing too much on what we’re doing and not enough on how we’re being. The behavior of unconditional loving (what we do) arises from a particular state of mind (how we be), and I call that state of mind unconditionality.
...
Unconditionality is selfish in the best sense of the word, because your own well-being becomes your top priority. You give to your child only what you can give happily, and that sets in motion a pattern of giving that continually increases your well-being instead of feeling like a drain. This leads to more generosity, not less.
Unconditionality increases your sense of freedom; it never limits your choices. It’s entirely possible to be in the state of unconditionality and passionately desire conditions to change.
...
Unconditionality is “an inside job.” It’s about how you interpret external conditions. It’s powerful because, while you can’t always control conditions, you can always change your mind. You can always find thoughts that feel better (or at least bring you some relief) when you think them. And how you think eventually influences outer conditions.
...
You see, if you decide up front that you’re going to enjoy your relationship with your child unconditionally — no matter what — then what you are actually doing is opening up your creative channels. You are saying to yourself, “I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, but I’m open to finding a way to enjoy (or appreciate, or be at peace with, etc.) anything that happens between me and my child.”
...
What kind of thoughts are likely to come to you in a state of unconditionality?
* Nothing is worth sacrificing my peace for.
* It’s good to know that my well-being is not dependent on what anyone else does or thinks.
* I’m bigger than this. I’m more powerful than this condition.
* My child is reminding me that having control over others is unimportant.
* I appreciate that my child is not a mindless lemming!
* My child is learning to find his own way.
* I love that my child knows what she wants.
* I’m grateful to my child for giving me this opportunity to practice unconditionality.
Unconditionality empowers you to create what you want from the inside out, while conditionality requires change from the outside in. When you truly shift inside, you can taste the deliciousness of well-being instantly, and any subsequent outer change is just icing on the cake.
...
Of course you can take this information and apply it to any relationship.
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