Riding the waves..
Sometimes I feel like I'm going around in circles with the same highs and lows and the same thoughts behind those.
I alternate between wanting to get rid of everything and travel, and then wanting a cosy home and a huge vege garden.
I alternate between feeling free of old conditionings and then trapped by them.
I alternate between feeling so full and sure of the way I'm living my life and feeling so full of doubt and confusion and wondering if I'm doing enough.
What I'm really learning is to be gentle with myself.
Life is not always calm waters. It's more like the beach and the waves - they have peaks and troughs, some dump on you, others let you ride it gracefully in to shore, others seem a little scary when you first get on, but prove to be a huge thrill when you overcome that initial fear.
I can see how I've lived all of those kinds of waves. I get frustrated with the cycle sometimes, but I need to just accept it, thank it even.
Looking back on my life, I can see a pattern and can see how, gradually, there is a shift occurring. I am spending less time in confusion and more time in certainty, less time in old conditionings and more time in new. Less time feeling trapped, and more time feeling free and peaceful. I can really see it happening. I want to stay in the free and peaceful state, but sometimes it slips away. I am getting better about staying in that state longer and longer each time and I miss it when I don't have it. I am becoming more aware of the subtle things that keep me there. These are huge lessons! Instead of feeling frustrated, perhaps I am being guided to just Trust that I am experiencing a lesson that will help take me to an even deeper Peace. If I am gentle during that unfolding rather than frustrated, the process will probably take less time.
Another thing I'm learning when I look outside of myself to fix things or change things or relationships, is that I probably should be looking inside of myself. They are probably indicators that my connection to ME has slipped and when I can get back in touch with that, everything else just starts flowing again.
The lessons I'm learning all seem to say the same things - Stay in the Moment, Be present, Peace starts within. Sometimes I need to hear those things over and over and sometimes it's like I'm hearing it for the first time, in a totally new way.
So I'll keep riding my waves and aim to stay fully present and in-joying the journey.
I alternate between wanting to get rid of everything and travel, and then wanting a cosy home and a huge vege garden.
I alternate between feeling free of old conditionings and then trapped by them.
I alternate between feeling so full and sure of the way I'm living my life and feeling so full of doubt and confusion and wondering if I'm doing enough.
What I'm really learning is to be gentle with myself.
Life is not always calm waters. It's more like the beach and the waves - they have peaks and troughs, some dump on you, others let you ride it gracefully in to shore, others seem a little scary when you first get on, but prove to be a huge thrill when you overcome that initial fear.
I can see how I've lived all of those kinds of waves. I get frustrated with the cycle sometimes, but I need to just accept it, thank it even.
Looking back on my life, I can see a pattern and can see how, gradually, there is a shift occurring. I am spending less time in confusion and more time in certainty, less time in old conditionings and more time in new. Less time feeling trapped, and more time feeling free and peaceful. I can really see it happening. I want to stay in the free and peaceful state, but sometimes it slips away. I am getting better about staying in that state longer and longer each time and I miss it when I don't have it. I am becoming more aware of the subtle things that keep me there. These are huge lessons! Instead of feeling frustrated, perhaps I am being guided to just Trust that I am experiencing a lesson that will help take me to an even deeper Peace. If I am gentle during that unfolding rather than frustrated, the process will probably take less time.
Another thing I'm learning when I look outside of myself to fix things or change things or relationships, is that I probably should be looking inside of myself. They are probably indicators that my connection to ME has slipped and when I can get back in touch with that, everything else just starts flowing again.
The lessons I'm learning all seem to say the same things - Stay in the Moment, Be present, Peace starts within. Sometimes I need to hear those things over and over and sometimes it's like I'm hearing it for the first time, in a totally new way.
So I'll keep riding my waves and aim to stay fully present and in-joying the journey.
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